Saturday, June 8, 2013

100 Reasons Why I Am a Horror Movie Fan

In honor of Dark Discussions 100th episode (released last week), I thought I'd come up with a list of 100 reasons why I am a fan of horror movies.This list was pretty much stream of consciousness - there is no significance to the order. Also it is far from exhaustive. I could have added plenty more quotes, scenes, film titles, and filmmakers, plus I didn't even touch on the awesome scores. 

  1. My parents had a poor understanding of “age appropriate.”
  2. Nothing better than hiding under the covers…
  3. …especially if its with someone special.
  4. Horror movies are less scary than the real world.
  5. The Universal Monsters
  6. Kaiju
  7. “Here’s Johnny!”
  8. We are one big, freaky community.
  9. Scared shitless is a universal language.
  10. All the weird creepy shit from Japan.
  11. Korea, too.
  12. “We’re going to need a bigger boat.”
  13. The Indianapolis speech.
  14. The Blob
  15. Slow zombies.
  16. Fast zombies.
  17. Stupid zombies.
  18. Clever zombies.
  19. Dead zombies.
  20. Infected zombies.
  21. Voodoo zombies.
  22. Rob Zombie.
  23. Chiller Theater.
  24. Halloween (the movie)
  25. Halloween (the holiday)
  26. Killer Santas.
  27. Severed head cunniligus.
  28. “They’re here!”
  29. 3D phallic fish food.
  30. Shameless hucksterism.
  31. They bother all the right people.
  32. We crown prom queen’s with pig’s blood.
  33. Kathy Bates at the foot of the bed. With a hammer.
  34. Nicholson, Coppola, Fincher, Clooney, Depp, Cameron, Anniston, Jackson, Stone, Bacon, Hanks, Scorsese all got their start in horror.
  35. No budget? No problem.
  36. Horror has the best anthologies.
  37. "Just tell him to call you Billie.”
  38. Who wants The Simpsons without the “Treehouse of Horror” episodes?
  39. Screw Marvel. Universal gave us the first shared cinematic universe.
  40. There’s always room for Poe.
  41. “Hail to the king, baby.”
  42. And to S. King as well.
  43. Hammer films.
  44. Amicus too.
  45. Vincent Price
  46. Christopher Lee
  47. Peter Cushing
  48. Lon Cheney Sr, the Man of a Thousand Faces
  49. Boris Karloff
  50. Bela Lugosi
  51. Robert Englund
  52. Dick Smith
  53. John Carpenter
  54. The Raimi family
  55. David Cronenberg
  56. Wes Craven
  57. George A. Romero
  58. Ray Harryhausen
  59. Tom Savini
  60. Rick Baker
  61. Stan Winston
  62. Robert Chambers
  63. Jack Pierce
  64. Rob Bottin
  65. Greg Niccotero
  66. The scream queens.
  67. All the horror hosts
  68. Because I live in Corman’s world.
  69.  "Too much blood” is not a criticism.
  70. Crappy sequels do not tarnish a legacy, they ARE the legacy.
  71. The only genre to give you giant killer bunny rabbits. With a straight face.
  72. Bad actors? No problem.
  73. We have all the inbred cannibal hillbillies.
  74. No more monsters on Earth? Fuck it. We’ll go to space and find more!
  75. It’s the best genre for traumatizing small children.
  76. We take our face peels literally.
  77. No other genre would make stars out of Bruce Campbell, Sid Haig, or Michael Berryman.
  78. Mel gave us Young Frankenstein…
  79. …and Max gave us World War Z.
  80. Creative use of garden tools.
  81. If there’s a good remake, it’s probably horror.
  82. Plot holes? No problem.
  83. Tree rape… three times.
  84. “Do you like Huey Lewis and the News? Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor.”
  85. Creepy kids.
  86. It’s always a wonderful day for an exorcism.
  87. The bad guys have a chance to win.
  88. “Help me! Help meeee!”
  89. Ki-ki-ki-ma-ma-ma
  90. Crows on the monkey bars.
  91. “We have such sights to show you.”
  92. Because no one leaves Australia alive.
  93. We’re on a first name basis with its biggest stars - Jason, Mike, Freddy, Chucky…
  94. We prefer a rubber suit to state of the art CGI.
  95. No one ever walked out of a theater because a movie was too funny.
  96. Dinner with John Hurt.
  97. “They’re coming to get you, Barbara!”
  98. The spider walk
  99. All the best scientists are mad.
  100. “Hey! Check this out! I found the ass end!”

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